I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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