An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
