She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
