It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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