i think my tv is drunk
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
