So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
