i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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