i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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