she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
