Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
