you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
