: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
