so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
