Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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