The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
