She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
