Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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