he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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