I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
