You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
