I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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