I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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