There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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