did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
