My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
