I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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