I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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