you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
