Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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