Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
