i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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