Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
