when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
