Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
