Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
