2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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