she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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