it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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