i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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