That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just found puke in my bra..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
