Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
