I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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