I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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