The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
