I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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