Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
