Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
