it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
