are you still at the devil's house?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
