I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
