yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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