I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I love you. Go after that dick
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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