High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
