I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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