He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
